Good afternoon everyone! It is my passion in life to share knowledge and helpful information to anyone that desires to receive it. For the month of February, I will give my professional advice that I have found helpful in my personal edification. This advice, when used purposefully, will also help to influence your personal life for the better.

Monday, February 1, 2015: Are You A Complainer?

Positivity is an unstoppable force that can throw your harshest critics off their course and gain you more supporters than you ever thought possible. We may not realize how often we complain and how it ultimately begins to transform our way of speaking and thinking. It's not quite 2PM, and how many times have you already complained today? "I hate I have to go to work", "This traffic light is so long", "This line is moving too slow", "That supervisor is always targeting me for everything," "This, that, and the third is not "perfectly" the way I would have it..." STOP!

The majority of people you know have the same challenges daily. The difference between those who appear to easily overcome them and progress, and those that don't, has much to do with how they receive, process, and react to their obstacles. Once you complain about any situation, you have immediately given it power, because it has negatively impacted your thoughts, your speech, and potentially your actions. My advice today and every day, is, begin now counting how many times you have complained and passed negative energy on to someone else. Try to begin to firstly not verbalize the negative feeling of energy, and then to internally dispel the emotion and the feeling that comes with it. You must determine your best way of getting rid of that energy be it meditation, prayer, counting, etc. The end goal is to recognize negativity before it has an opportunity to control you and impact your next move. As you grow in controlling negative energy, you will automatically begin to increase in positive energy. Not only will this change your demeanor for the better, but it makes you much more appealing to others. You will see the difference. Try it for the month of February and see for yourself. I'd love to hear your experiences! Have a blessed and productive day, and Happy Black History Month.

I recognize ‪#‎MayaAngelou this day of ‪#‎BlackHistoryMonth. Remember her quote, "People may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."

Books: Judged by Their Cover and Not Content

I have purposely not expressed my opinions about any of the issues headlining the news at this time. As an intellect and advocate for social consciousness, it is imperative to me to always digest information and gather my thoughts completely before I address an issue, especially one of such a sensitive nature. My intention is always to use my gift of communication to help the majority understand the actions and sentiments of the minority. Today, I am finally ready to give my take; Clinton's perspective. I don't choose to directly discuss any legal cases, but rather focus on the area in which I have the most knowledge and where I believe true understanding and growth of any merit can begin, social dynamics.

Daily, I read comments between predominantly Blacks and Whites that entail interchanges that in the end lead to no progress but rather further increases the social divide. I am blessed to have a very diverse group of associates and friends with whom I will discuss any issue and give my honest opinion and expect to receive theirs. Having done so several times over the past few weeks has helped me to control the innate reaction that many have had in view of recent events exposed through media and taking into consideration the documented history of this country as relates to race-relations. The catalyst for this post, derived from a comment that an associate of mine made to me a couple weeks ago while we were discussing current events. "White people are getting tired of being painted as racist for every event that occurs. We are beginning to become desensitized to those accusations, because every issue that involves a Black person is not due to racism. The Democratic party is a hodgepodge and it will lose membership because of this if things don't change." My associate who happens to be a White male attorney and a Democrat, expressed that sentiment to me days after the Ferguson decision. It was a powerful statement to make and even more so considering the current social climate in this country. However, I respected his truthfulness. Using one of the most important emotions humans possess, empathy, I immediately understood his statement. After a brief moment digesting what he had said to me, I responded. I will share with you my response to him and I hope it serves as food for thought as you go about your day after reading my post.

"The progress that Blacks have made in this country since being enslaved and brought here on ships across the Atlantic is due to divine intervention, tireless Blacks, and selfless Whites who despite popular opinion knew in their souls that racism and enslavement were true abominations. Throughout history in America, Quakers, Freedom Riders, and equality advocates have all been instrumental in the progress that has been made. In short, clearly, not all Whites are inherently bad and not all Blacks are good. Unfortunately, we live in a society that metaphorically judges books by their covers. What you and other good White folks are currently experiencing is the act of being categorized and characterized based on your aesthetics. You, as a White man, happen to not be distinguishable from the closet bigots and racist who are motivated by White supremacy and the perpetuation of minority inferiority. You have to bear the burden of looking like those who are not supporters of race-equality, integration, and justice for all. In short, you are a book that is being judged by its cover as opposed to its content. You are the new Black; welcome to my world. You are getting a brief glimpse of how it feels for others to judge you, hate you, and treat you unfairly based on your aesthetics and solely on your skin color. Forgive me if I don't shed a tear or sympathize, because I live every day where I am identified as a Black male and not an educated male who is Black. I'm qualified by much of society, initially, based upon mainstream media's depiction of how I am supposed to be and act. It's only after continuously showing the person behind the skin that I am given my just dues. Racial profiling is not new, but it's never been an issue for you, until now."

He was very receptive and after listening and digesting what I had told him, he agreed. This racial schism is nothing new, but what is new is that this country has never had as many educated and empowered minorities as it does currently. Additionally, there has never been the social mediums and technology that are informing the World in real time of the atrocities that go unresolved in America. I find it offensive that anyone, whom by circumstance looks like the oppressor, feels justifiably inclined to tell oppressed people how they should behave and how they should protest. That is no different than men telling women who are victims of domestic violence how they should or should not go about protesting and raising awareness. Such behavior is insensitive and self-centered. Rhetorically, ask yourself how many times have you spoken up and took a stand when someone you know has made a racially charged statement that is stereotypical and unfair? It is not the speaking out against wrongdoing nor the exposure of wrongdoing which is the catalyst of the current state of affairs. It is the ongoing actions of bigots that go without castigation by their friends and family members that contribute mostly to what is occurring socially. As with any other issue, one must literally start in one’s home and then the results will transfer into the community. Racism, discrimination, superiority complexes, and the like are unequivocally taught behaviors. It is time to reteach and change the social lesson plan.

Compromise or Confrontation: What Works Best for A Modern Woman in a Relationship

This question came from one of my blog followers and I felt that it would make an excellent post. She commutes by train to and from work Monday – Friday and over time has developed a set of commuter friends. The names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the writer. As always, leave your feedback and thanks for following!

Ben expressed to me that he does not like it when I drink wine on the train with Laura and the other ladies. He said, “It's not fitting and appropriate to drink in such an environment.” He said that if Laura and the other ladies weren't so loud and drew so much attention, it probably wouldn't bother him. We have a wine tasting once a month. So, when he told me this yesterday, I didn't say anything. I didn't even say "OK". I just listened and didn't respond. Should I stop drinking because he disapproves of it, or should I continue? Ben is a very quiet and reserved person and does not like attention. Whenever we ladies drink, I always tell him, and then I go to another train car.  I used to just wait until he got off the train, since we  get off at different stops, and then join them for a drink. When I would, I always had to hear from the other ladies, “He isn’t your husband!” So, I thought I would be Billy Bad Ass and do it in front of him. I posed the same question to Jill, a single lady, and she said Benjamin is being controlling. I know if we are going to be together, I will have to make some sacrifices, and I do understand his concerns. So, is this a battle for me to fight or should I just stop participating in the drinking on the train?

Reader, this is an ideal example of one of those issues that's completely couple-specific. The length of dating, age of couple, and stage in the relationship all have to be taken into consideration. Compromises do have to be made from both parties to have a healthy and thriving relationship. You should want to be honest with Ben and also respectful of his concerns for you as his partner and you both as a couple. I’d like to pose a few questions to you that may help you resolve this problem. Is the once a month wine tasting important enough to cause friction in your relationship? If you missed one day a month, which happens to be the wine tasting day, from socializing with the lady's, would it be that much of a disappointment? You mentioned that you used to drink with them after he had gotten off the train at his stop. Couldn't you join them after he's off the train, but keeping in mind that this may mean being dishonest with him if he thinks that the drinking has ceased? 

Be cautious of taking advice from single women and married women whose marriages you don't want to replicate. Ben is not your husband, but you both are planning to co-habitat, and he may potentially become your husband soon. The way you start a relationship is how it's going to continue. You too admit that you don't like all the extra attention that drinking with the ladies attracts on the train. Don't allow peer pressure to influence your instinct and inner voice. Certainly don’t allow outsiders, who do not and/or cannot provide and satisfy the same needs and desires as your partner, to influence the dynamics of your relationship by creating unnecessary tension. It's ironic that instead of your lady friends being understanding, or being excited for you to have a man that actually is concerned with your outward public perception individually and as a couple, or encouraging you to “stand by your man”, they instead give dividing advice to rally you up to be confrontational with him. No one offered you an alternative solution or a compromise, but instead they were flat out against you acquiescing to his request. If you want a man that acts like a man and that is going to display the headship qualities you want as a woman, you have to allow him to do so. It is impossible for a man who desires to be the protector, provider, and leader of his family to do so if his partner is constantly challenging his decision-making, ignoring his concerns, or refusing to entertain his suggestions. So, you decide whether you want to show your partner that you value and respect his stance or if you want to prove to your friends that you make all your own decisions with no inference. Keep in mind that soon you may have an issue with Ben that you’d like him to consider adjusting, and he will definitely remember how accommodating or not accommodating you were with him.   

To Marry or Live Together?

"...to have and to hold...until death do us part." Wow, the security of knowing that someone has vowed their allegiance to you for the rest of their life. No more wondering with whom you are taking to your company's picnic, involuntarily eating dinner alone, missing that concert you really want to hear, or having to ask your friends to be your "In Case of Emergency" contact. Nope, from now on you have a partner. Not just a handshake-agreement partner, but a spouse; an individual that is so committed to enhancing your life, that they signed a legally binding contract agreeing to specified terms, and in some cases, consequences for breaching those terms. Oh yeah, and let's not forget one of the best perks, for the most part, sex whenever you feel the desire; I iterate, "for the most part."

So many benefits from which to reap pleasure, yet millions of couples opt to live together and not marry, or as it's been popularly coined, "shack"! Sure, this is a new day with options galore for everyone. Sexually be with whomever you like, make your own rules, and do you. It is hip to be non-traditional or taboo. I am an advocate of supporting freedom of choice for all mentally competent adults. However, I equally am adamant for individuals to take ownership for their choices, and not adopt unrealistic expectations from the choices made. Now, we get to the crux of the issue.

Pop culture has taught a generation of people that the new term for a girlfriend is "wifey." Wifey...it sounds so endearing, no? If you are "wifey," then you have been promoted to a title above "girlfriend", but not quite "fiancee`". Some go as far as using the term "wife" when referring to their significant other. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but according to Noah Webster, at minimum, legal papers with a witness, must be signed to truly be someones wife. In my honest opinion, which is all I ever give, you should be offended if you are not married and yet referred to as "wifey."

Words are powerful, because they breed thoughts which develop into ideas that evolve into mindsets. Let me give you an example that occurs all too frequently. This will help bring a correlation between false titles and the negative impact that follows. Tanya and Brian, 26 and 28 respectively, dated for two years and then decided to move together. Tanya was so smitten when Brian began referring to her as "wifey" when speaking with his male friends. After having lived together for a year Tanya becomes pregnant with Brian's child. Brian is thrilled that he's going to be a dad, but he is not overjoyed at the idea of being a husband. Tanya is nervous about being a first time mother, not to mention her anxiety about becoming an unwed mother. Well,  the baby is born healthy and the late night feedings and dirty diaper changing begins. Sleep deprivation has attacked both Tanya and Brian and they find themselves arguing about the least of things. Brian's 30th birthday is approaching and he has been socializing a lot with his friends; getting his last hooray or five before his birthday and all the while noticing how much he misses being free to do what he wants. Tanya has been depressed at home. She can't seem to get Brian to listen or help her, and finally she's fed-up. When Brian gets home after a night of drinking with his comrades, Tanya begins telling him all the things that he is not doing to support and lead their family. With one intense verbalized truth, Brian expels his hidden thoughts and crushes Tanya. "We're not married!" Touche`!

It is unwise and unrealistic to believe that you will or even should experience the security that comes from being married if you are not. Sure, it would have been the mature and right thing to do for Brian to be a leader, protector, provider, and example for his family, but in actuality, he is not obligated to be any of those things. Tanya chose to conduct herself as Brian's "wife" without the formal commitment from him that he would conduct himself as her "husband." Generally when one mentions "wife", it is understood that present there is also a "husband". Oddly, there are no popular names given to boyfriends to make them feel falsely elevated to a more intimate and respected role within a relationship. For men, we are either a "boyfriend", "fiance`", or "husband". Remember, it all begins with a word and ultimately will metamorphosis into a mindset.  

So, marry or live together? That's a decision that only you and your partner can make. I recommend that you never sell yourself short in life, and know that some traditions are better kept. 

The American Wage v. The Cost of Living

During my lifetime, I have experienced the flourishing and deprivation of the American economy. Memories of financial surplus, multiple week vacations, and shopping sprees of the 80's and 90's have now become just that; memories. Rights groups, not-for-profits, and individual Americans have begun to raise their voices and protest the American minimum wage in an effort to raise attention to the financial disparity of millions of U.S. citizens and motivate Congress to take action. Initially, I had planned to focus my attention on just the minimum wage, but in actuality, the struggle to survive in today's economy is not exclusive to minimum wage earners. The "Occupy" movement that began on Wall Street in 2011 and spread around the world is a direct example of how the economic construct that has been put in place is impacting too vast of a majority of people and their families. Why, despite working multiple jobs, or working one job that pays above minimum wage, are so many of us still in the metaphorical financial state of robbing Peter to pay Paul? The more money we make the better off we should be, right? "If I work overtime and get this part-time job on the weekend, surely my economic struggle will be over, won't it?" Perhaps; perhaps not. To understand this never-ending bout of The American Wage v. The Cost of Living, define first your financial status and then attempt to understand how you fit into a much larger socioeconomic paradigm that was not designed by you nor for you.  

Having worked for numerous big businesses such as Coca-Cola, Exxon Mobil, and Ford, and lived in cities such as New York City and Washington, DC, I have taken advantage of being afforded opportunities to expand my resources and intensely analyze the "American-way". What I have learned is that we no longer live in just a capitalist country, but rather a society that thrives on socio-capitalist ideas. This type of environment is one in which division is not solely based on your tax bracket but is also defined by your social status or lack of social status. Let me give you an example. A few years back, I was earnestly searching for an apartment in the city. The rent was over $1000 monthly for any 1 bedroom unit that wasn't in the "hood". I began to ponder how was it that so many of my newly college graduated coworkers afforded to live in these apartment buildings that were clearly out of my budget. They worked the same jobs I worked, made no more money that I made, and yet, they were able to secure housing that was far better than the majority of their peers. No, they didn't have more money than I had, but they did have a different social circle. That's when I had a great moment of clarity and new exactly what to do. Adjust my thinking and tactics. 

Your individual monetary status more than likely will not increase exponentially by the time you've read to the end of this post. What can and must change is your awareness and mindset. The rationalization for businesses is to pay workers enough to survive or maintain, but not so much as to become a viable threat to the design of things. Money is power, and they know that as long as you don't have too much money, then you won't have too much power. The decision makers are fully aware that lack of money in turn means lack of resources and lack of access to resources. If everyone had money, there would be no such thing as "rich". Therefore, the wealthy do not want you joining their ranks and lowering their value and lessening their influence as a power structure. So, how do you up your game and better yourself financially to have more money and in turn gain more power, giving yourself a voice in a system that plainly desires to keep you stagnant? You do this the same way I secured that luxury apartment in the mid-rise building; form a strategy and execute. I knew that I couldn't instantly change my income, but I could immediately begin working on the "socio" aspect of my environment, which made me privy to just the inside tip that I needed to accomplish my goal.  Mentally making margins for myself was hindering me from gaining what I wanted. Poverty is a state of mind more than a state of being.

The "Haves" in our society mingle in the same circles; six degrees of separation is a reality. They share information, tell each other inside secrets, make direct referrals for one another, and only introduce their friends to like-minded individuals. Your challenge is to intercept that circle and slowly expand your network base to a point that it ultimately raises your income base. You begin to attend events where you will be around individuals who know more than you know. Volunteer your time for organizations that are impacting your community and thus align yourself with the decision makers whose decisions affect you. Be aware that reputation is everything, and once you establish a sound reputation, it will be much easier to gain access to places, people, and things. Be ready to make tough decisions, because it is impossible to move into a new circle without being willing to change and decrease your current personal circle. That comes as part of the give in order to later be able to take.  Do your research and know the who's who in your area. You have to learn to change your focus from a hustle to a business, and businesses are all about branding. Your focus can't be just "getting money". Your focus must be on changing your social status which will in turn elevate your economic status. Learn how to dress, look, and act the part; eventually it will become your reality. Indeed, it will take time for you to begin to transition and notice an improvement in your circumstances, but if you are going to hustle and grind anyway, why not invest your energy into a new strategy that just may work? Yes, a lot of hard work must be enacted, but the payoff is well worth it. The cost of living is only going to continue to rise, so what will you do in the meantime. Remember the adage, "If you continue to do what you've always done, you will continue to get what you've always had." 

Men Who Marry Women, But Secretly Prefer Men

Finish high school, go to college and/or the military, secure employment, marry a beautiful women, and have kids. For the majority of males in western civilization, that is not just the road map that has been presented to them, but it has also been the expectation for them for generations. Those seem to be easy enough tasks, and by checking each expectation off of the list, that man becomes more and more normal and successful in the view of mainstream America. No one wants to be the odd-man-out, the center of gossip, ostracized by "friends", not accepted by the majority. Pressure to "fit in" is so imperative to many adult males, that they go to the extreme and anonymously join a growing group, MWMWBSPM "Men Who Marry Women, But Secretly Prefer Men." 

To assert that there is one absolute reason that MWMWBSPM make such a decision would be as misleading as adopting the ideology that there is only one life map that males should follow to be successful. These men, however, do share experiences, outlooks, and desires that have led them to be married to a women and fantasize or actually sleep with men. Women, it will never be easy to accept infidelity, regardless of the participants of the affair. To truly begin to comprehend the reason why some men make such a decision that has so many potential repercussions, you must individually examine the person, the act, and then the contributing factors.

The Person: 

Regardless with whom your spouse decides to have sex, if your husband cheats on you, that is a testament of his character. He is a person that allows himself to be led by his fleshly wants as opposed to his better judgment and logical thinking. A cheating man has not psychologically matured. He does not value you, his family, or his vows more than he values himself and the desire to satisfy his sexual cravings. Don't get me wrong, there is a difference between "cheating" and being a "cheater". Both are wrong, but the type of man I am describing is a cheater. He has had more than one isolated indiscretion. He lies and therefore should not be trusted. That man may tell the truth in some areas, but how can you know when he will decide to be dishonest. This type of man will not be loyal to you, and the fact that he sexually prefers men is an additional problem in your marriage. Have your cake and eat it too is the motto for them. (no pun intended) 

The Act:

MWMWBSPM don't necessarily believe that they are "cheating." Often their male sex partner(s) of choice is another member of their group, so they have no intention of breaking up their family by divorcing their wives. They get together, satisfy each other in whatever sexual way that brings them to orgasm, and then they depart and become "normal" again. For them, the sex is not cheating per se, because they have conditioned themselves to believe that this is their outlet after fulfilling their obligations of being a "man". They have rationalized their decision and validated their actions because they maintain all other familial obligations. No one sees what they are doing, so no harm no foul in their opinion. They are more consumed with maintaining their anonymity than they are with thinking about what it is that they are actually doing. 

The Contributing Factors:

A man's desire or sexual preference for another man may surface at different time periods for each person. Some males say they were born being sexually attracted to other men, some say they always felt the desire but denied it, some say they developed the desire later in life and had never been attracted to men prior. No matter the origin of their desire, MWMWBSPM face the same contributing factors that have brought them to the category in which they are assigned. They are afraid of their "manhood" being questioned or challenged because of their sexual proclivity. They believe that by being able to only check-off some of society's expectations of manhood(i.e. graduating, securing employment) and deviating to a different course would bring them ridicule so they take a wife as a "beard" to ward off speculations and produce them children; a progeny. They lack the strength and fortitude to design their own course in life, so they follow what they think is expected of them until they can no longer maintain their facade. In a culture where we so heavily judge others, they find it easier to live by the script that has been designed and take the risk of exposure whenever they are true to what they desire. 

You may never know if your husband is a member of the MWMWBSPM, so there is no need to go insane speculating and interrogating your spouse. The most you can hope for is that your spouse was raised to be truthful to himself and others, doesn't value the opinion of society to the extent of denying or suppressing who he is, and loves and values you, his wife, enough to talk to you about developing or emerging sexual desires before acting upon them. If he feels that you will treat him the way society would, then he will more than likely lie and never be forth coming. Have several non-judgmental talks about his and your sexual experiences and desires or fantasies before getting married. If he says something that might be shocking to you, don't react in a condemning way; he will instantly shutdown and never share his true thoughts again. Many women who do not know their husband's true desires simply don't want to know.