The American Wage v. The Cost of Living

During my lifetime, I have experienced the flourishing and deprivation of the American economy. Memories of financial surplus, multiple week vacations, and shopping sprees of the 80's and 90's have now become just that; memories. Rights groups, not-for-profits, and individual Americans have begun to raise their voices and protest the American minimum wage in an effort to raise attention to the financial disparity of millions of U.S. citizens and motivate Congress to take action. Initially, I had planned to focus my attention on just the minimum wage, but in actuality, the struggle to survive in today's economy is not exclusive to minimum wage earners. The "Occupy" movement that began on Wall Street in 2011 and spread around the world is a direct example of how the economic construct that has been put in place is impacting too vast of a majority of people and their families. Why, despite working multiple jobs, or working one job that pays above minimum wage, are so many of us still in the metaphorical financial state of robbing Peter to pay Paul? The more money we make the better off we should be, right? "If I work overtime and get this part-time job on the weekend, surely my economic struggle will be over, won't it?" Perhaps; perhaps not. To understand this never-ending bout of The American Wage v. The Cost of Living, define first your financial status and then attempt to understand how you fit into a much larger socioeconomic paradigm that was not designed by you nor for you.  

Having worked for numerous big businesses such as Coca-Cola, Exxon Mobil, and Ford, and lived in cities such as New York City and Washington, DC, I have taken advantage of being afforded opportunities to expand my resources and intensely analyze the "American-way". What I have learned is that we no longer live in just a capitalist country, but rather a society that thrives on socio-capitalist ideas. This type of environment is one in which division is not solely based on your tax bracket but is also defined by your social status or lack of social status. Let me give you an example. A few years back, I was earnestly searching for an apartment in the city. The rent was over $1000 monthly for any 1 bedroom unit that wasn't in the "hood". I began to ponder how was it that so many of my newly college graduated coworkers afforded to live in these apartment buildings that were clearly out of my budget. They worked the same jobs I worked, made no more money that I made, and yet, they were able to secure housing that was far better than the majority of their peers. No, they didn't have more money than I had, but they did have a different social circle. That's when I had a great moment of clarity and new exactly what to do. Adjust my thinking and tactics. 

Your individual monetary status more than likely will not increase exponentially by the time you've read to the end of this post. What can and must change is your awareness and mindset. The rationalization for businesses is to pay workers enough to survive or maintain, but not so much as to become a viable threat to the design of things. Money is power, and they know that as long as you don't have too much money, then you won't have too much power. The decision makers are fully aware that lack of money in turn means lack of resources and lack of access to resources. If everyone had money, there would be no such thing as "rich". Therefore, the wealthy do not want you joining their ranks and lowering their value and lessening their influence as a power structure. So, how do you up your game and better yourself financially to have more money and in turn gain more power, giving yourself a voice in a system that plainly desires to keep you stagnant? You do this the same way I secured that luxury apartment in the mid-rise building; form a strategy and execute. I knew that I couldn't instantly change my income, but I could immediately begin working on the "socio" aspect of my environment, which made me privy to just the inside tip that I needed to accomplish my goal.  Mentally making margins for myself was hindering me from gaining what I wanted. Poverty is a state of mind more than a state of being.

The "Haves" in our society mingle in the same circles; six degrees of separation is a reality. They share information, tell each other inside secrets, make direct referrals for one another, and only introduce their friends to like-minded individuals. Your challenge is to intercept that circle and slowly expand your network base to a point that it ultimately raises your income base. You begin to attend events where you will be around individuals who know more than you know. Volunteer your time for organizations that are impacting your community and thus align yourself with the decision makers whose decisions affect you. Be aware that reputation is everything, and once you establish a sound reputation, it will be much easier to gain access to places, people, and things. Be ready to make tough decisions, because it is impossible to move into a new circle without being willing to change and decrease your current personal circle. That comes as part of the give in order to later be able to take.  Do your research and know the who's who in your area. You have to learn to change your focus from a hustle to a business, and businesses are all about branding. Your focus can't be just "getting money". Your focus must be on changing your social status which will in turn elevate your economic status. Learn how to dress, look, and act the part; eventually it will become your reality. Indeed, it will take time for you to begin to transition and notice an improvement in your circumstances, but if you are going to hustle and grind anyway, why not invest your energy into a new strategy that just may work? Yes, a lot of hard work must be enacted, but the payoff is well worth it. The cost of living is only going to continue to rise, so what will you do in the meantime. Remember the adage, "If you continue to do what you've always done, you will continue to get what you've always had." 

Men Who Marry Women, But Secretly Prefer Men

Finish high school, go to college and/or the military, secure employment, marry a beautiful women, and have kids. For the majority of males in western civilization, that is not just the road map that has been presented to them, but it has also been the expectation for them for generations. Those seem to be easy enough tasks, and by checking each expectation off of the list, that man becomes more and more normal and successful in the view of mainstream America. No one wants to be the odd-man-out, the center of gossip, ostracized by "friends", not accepted by the majority. Pressure to "fit in" is so imperative to many adult males, that they go to the extreme and anonymously join a growing group, MWMWBSPM "Men Who Marry Women, But Secretly Prefer Men." 

To assert that there is one absolute reason that MWMWBSPM make such a decision would be as misleading as adopting the ideology that there is only one life map that males should follow to be successful. These men, however, do share experiences, outlooks, and desires that have led them to be married to a women and fantasize or actually sleep with men. Women, it will never be easy to accept infidelity, regardless of the participants of the affair. To truly begin to comprehend the reason why some men make such a decision that has so many potential repercussions, you must individually examine the person, the act, and then the contributing factors.

The Person: 

Regardless with whom your spouse decides to have sex, if your husband cheats on you, that is a testament of his character. He is a person that allows himself to be led by his fleshly wants as opposed to his better judgment and logical thinking. A cheating man has not psychologically matured. He does not value you, his family, or his vows more than he values himself and the desire to satisfy his sexual cravings. Don't get me wrong, there is a difference between "cheating" and being a "cheater". Both are wrong, but the type of man I am describing is a cheater. He has had more than one isolated indiscretion. He lies and therefore should not be trusted. That man may tell the truth in some areas, but how can you know when he will decide to be dishonest. This type of man will not be loyal to you, and the fact that he sexually prefers men is an additional problem in your marriage. Have your cake and eat it too is the motto for them. (no pun intended) 

The Act:

MWMWBSPM don't necessarily believe that they are "cheating." Often their male sex partner(s) of choice is another member of their group, so they have no intention of breaking up their family by divorcing their wives. They get together, satisfy each other in whatever sexual way that brings them to orgasm, and then they depart and become "normal" again. For them, the sex is not cheating per se, because they have conditioned themselves to believe that this is their outlet after fulfilling their obligations of being a "man". They have rationalized their decision and validated their actions because they maintain all other familial obligations. No one sees what they are doing, so no harm no foul in their opinion. They are more consumed with maintaining their anonymity than they are with thinking about what it is that they are actually doing. 

The Contributing Factors:

A man's desire or sexual preference for another man may surface at different time periods for each person. Some males say they were born being sexually attracted to other men, some say they always felt the desire but denied it, some say they developed the desire later in life and had never been attracted to men prior. No matter the origin of their desire, MWMWBSPM face the same contributing factors that have brought them to the category in which they are assigned. They are afraid of their "manhood" being questioned or challenged because of their sexual proclivity. They believe that by being able to only check-off some of society's expectations of manhood(i.e. graduating, securing employment) and deviating to a different course would bring them ridicule so they take a wife as a "beard" to ward off speculations and produce them children; a progeny. They lack the strength and fortitude to design their own course in life, so they follow what they think is expected of them until they can no longer maintain their facade. In a culture where we so heavily judge others, they find it easier to live by the script that has been designed and take the risk of exposure whenever they are true to what they desire. 

You may never know if your husband is a member of the MWMWBSPM, so there is no need to go insane speculating and interrogating your spouse. The most you can hope for is that your spouse was raised to be truthful to himself and others, doesn't value the opinion of society to the extent of denying or suppressing who he is, and loves and values you, his wife, enough to talk to you about developing or emerging sexual desires before acting upon them. If he feels that you will treat him the way society would, then he will more than likely lie and never be forth coming. Have several non-judgmental talks about his and your sexual experiences and desires or fantasies before getting married. If he says something that might be shocking to you, don't react in a condemning way; he will instantly shutdown and never share his true thoughts again. Many women who do not know their husband's true desires simply don't want to know.