Men Who Marry Women, But Secretly Prefer Men

Finish high school, go to college and/or the military, secure employment, marry a beautiful women, and have kids. For the majority of males in western civilization, that is not just the road map that has been presented to them, but it has also been the expectation for them for generations. Those seem to be easy enough tasks, and by checking each expectation off of the list, that man becomes more and more normal and successful in the view of mainstream America. No one wants to be the odd-man-out, the center of gossip, ostracized by "friends", not accepted by the majority. Pressure to "fit in" is so imperative to many adult males, that they go to the extreme and anonymously join a growing group, MWMWBSPM "Men Who Marry Women, But Secretly Prefer Men." 

To assert that there is one absolute reason that MWMWBSPM make such a decision would be as misleading as adopting the ideology that there is only one life map that males should follow to be successful. These men, however, do share experiences, outlooks, and desires that have led them to be married to a women and fantasize or actually sleep with men. Women, it will never be easy to accept infidelity, regardless of the participants of the affair. To truly begin to comprehend the reason why some men make such a decision that has so many potential repercussions, you must individually examine the person, the act, and then the contributing factors.

The Person: 

Regardless with whom your spouse decides to have sex, if your husband cheats on you, that is a testament of his character. He is a person that allows himself to be led by his fleshly wants as opposed to his better judgment and logical thinking. A cheating man has not psychologically matured. He does not value you, his family, or his vows more than he values himself and the desire to satisfy his sexual cravings. Don't get me wrong, there is a difference between "cheating" and being a "cheater". Both are wrong, but the type of man I am describing is a cheater. He has had more than one isolated indiscretion. He lies and therefore should not be trusted. That man may tell the truth in some areas, but how can you know when he will decide to be dishonest. This type of man will not be loyal to you, and the fact that he sexually prefers men is an additional problem in your marriage. Have your cake and eat it too is the motto for them. (no pun intended) 

The Act:

MWMWBSPM don't necessarily believe that they are "cheating." Often their male sex partner(s) of choice is another member of their group, so they have no intention of breaking up their family by divorcing their wives. They get together, satisfy each other in whatever sexual way that brings them to orgasm, and then they depart and become "normal" again. For them, the sex is not cheating per se, because they have conditioned themselves to believe that this is their outlet after fulfilling their obligations of being a "man". They have rationalized their decision and validated their actions because they maintain all other familial obligations. No one sees what they are doing, so no harm no foul in their opinion. They are more consumed with maintaining their anonymity than they are with thinking about what it is that they are actually doing. 

The Contributing Factors:

A man's desire or sexual preference for another man may surface at different time periods for each person. Some males say they were born being sexually attracted to other men, some say they always felt the desire but denied it, some say they developed the desire later in life and had never been attracted to men prior. No matter the origin of their desire, MWMWBSPM face the same contributing factors that have brought them to the category in which they are assigned. They are afraid of their "manhood" being questioned or challenged because of their sexual proclivity. They believe that by being able to only check-off some of society's expectations of manhood(i.e. graduating, securing employment) and deviating to a different course would bring them ridicule so they take a wife as a "beard" to ward off speculations and produce them children; a progeny. They lack the strength and fortitude to design their own course in life, so they follow what they think is expected of them until they can no longer maintain their facade. In a culture where we so heavily judge others, they find it easier to live by the script that has been designed and take the risk of exposure whenever they are true to what they desire. 

You may never know if your husband is a member of the MWMWBSPM, so there is no need to go insane speculating and interrogating your spouse. The most you can hope for is that your spouse was raised to be truthful to himself and others, doesn't value the opinion of society to the extent of denying or suppressing who he is, and loves and values you, his wife, enough to talk to you about developing or emerging sexual desires before acting upon them. If he feels that you will treat him the way society would, then he will more than likely lie and never be forth coming. Have several non-judgmental talks about his and your sexual experiences and desires or fantasies before getting married. If he says something that might be shocking to you, don't react in a condemning way; he will instantly shutdown and never share his true thoughts again. Many women who do not know their husband's true desires simply don't want to know.