"...to have and to hold...until death do us part." Wow, the security of knowing that someone has vowed their allegiance to you for the rest of their life. No more wondering with whom you are taking to your company's picnic, involuntarily eating dinner alone, missing that concert you really want to hear, or having to ask your friends to be your "In Case of Emergency" contact. Nope, from now on you have a partner. Not just a handshake-agreement partner, but a spouse; an individual that is so committed to enhancing your life, that they signed a legally binding contract agreeing to specified terms, and in some cases, consequences for breaching those terms. Oh yeah, and let's not forget one of the best perks, for the most part, sex whenever you feel the desire; I iterate, "for the most part."
So many benefits from which to reap pleasure, yet millions of couples opt to live together and not marry, or as it's been popularly coined, "shack"! Sure, this is a new day with options galore for everyone. Sexually be with whomever you like, make your own rules, and do you. It is hip to be non-traditional or taboo. I am an advocate of supporting freedom of choice for all mentally competent adults. However, I equally am adamant for individuals to take ownership for their choices, and not adopt unrealistic expectations from the choices made. Now, we get to the crux of the issue.
Pop culture has taught a generation of people that the new term for a girlfriend is "wifey." Wifey...it sounds so endearing, no? If you are "wifey," then you have been promoted to a title above "girlfriend", but not quite "fiancee`". Some go as far as using the term "wife" when referring to their significant other. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but according to Noah Webster, at minimum, legal papers with a witness, must be signed to truly be someones wife. In my honest opinion, which is all I ever give, you should be offended if you are not married and yet referred to as "wifey."
Words are powerful, because they breed thoughts which develop into ideas that evolve into mindsets. Let me give you an example that occurs all too frequently. This will help bring a correlation between false titles and the negative impact that follows. Tanya and Brian, 26 and 28 respectively, dated for two years and then decided to move together. Tanya was so smitten when Brian began referring to her as "wifey" when speaking with his male friends. After having lived together for a year Tanya becomes pregnant with Brian's child. Brian is thrilled that he's going to be a dad, but he is not overjoyed at the idea of being a husband. Tanya is nervous about being a first time mother, not to mention her anxiety about becoming an unwed mother. Well, the baby is born healthy and the late night feedings and dirty diaper changing begins. Sleep deprivation has attacked both Tanya and Brian and they find themselves arguing about the least of things. Brian's 30th birthday is approaching and he has been socializing a lot with his friends; getting his last hooray or five before his birthday and all the while noticing how much he misses being free to do what he wants. Tanya has been depressed at home. She can't seem to get Brian to listen or help her, and finally she's fed-up. When Brian gets home after a night of drinking with his comrades, Tanya begins telling him all the things that he is not doing to support and lead their family. With one intense verbalized truth, Brian expels his hidden thoughts and crushes Tanya. "We're not married!" Touche`!
It is unwise and unrealistic to believe that you will or even should experience the security that comes from being married if you are not. Sure, it would have been the mature and right thing to do for Brian to be a leader, protector, provider, and example for his family, but in actuality, he is not obligated to be any of those things. Tanya chose to conduct herself as Brian's "wife" without the formal commitment from him that he would conduct himself as her "husband." Generally when one mentions "wife", it is understood that present there is also a "husband". Oddly, there are no popular names given to boyfriends to make them feel falsely elevated to a more intimate and respected role within a relationship. For men, we are either a "boyfriend", "fiance`", or "husband". Remember, it all begins with a word and ultimately will metamorphosis into a mindset.
So, marry or live together? That's a decision that only you and your partner can make. I recommend that you never sell yourself short in life, and know that some traditions are better kept.
